dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You may now shotgun with the bride
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
