He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
