I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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