Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
