oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
