The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
