he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
