another moral hangover. fuck.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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