You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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