I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
