Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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