I think I won the penis lottery.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
