its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize