a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
