note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
