Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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