That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
