I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
