Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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