My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yo dont text me then not text me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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