I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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