i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
