I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
