11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
