So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize