Don't you send me to vm
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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