Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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