btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
