he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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