so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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