there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
