And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
