God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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