im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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