Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
