We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
