I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
