Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
...so i touched it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
