I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
