Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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