He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
