I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
