I just made out with a guy for $7.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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