I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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