it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize