Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
