Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
