awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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