He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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