I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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