FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
