is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
