i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
