why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
