Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
