we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
