can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize