K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
