Im at strip club and am horny
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
