i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
