remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
