new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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