There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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