I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
