Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
