I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The power of my boobs compel you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize