so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
