What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
