I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
