I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
