I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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