You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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