The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
