if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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