I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
