Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
