my phone needs a breathalizer
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize