we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Enjoy the penises
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
